Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Horse humor
I wish I could give proper credit for this but I don't remember where I got it.....
How many horsepersons or horses does it take to change a light bulb?
Western pleasure riders: Oh, my God! Someone change that bulb; my silver and spangles have to sparkle, and my diamond studs need to flash in the light, and the highlighter on Old Peanut Head's nose absolutely, positively must look shiny! You -- without all the silver on your saddle; obviously you can't ride -- you change it.
Endurance rider: Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse/respiration/ hydration down to respectable levels. Then, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb.
Dressage queen: Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very idea!
Classical dressage queen: These things must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, and will forever be in the shadow of its true self. And, never, ever use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb; that is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.
Eventers: Wuss! I'll change it as soon as my arm is out of this sling, broken after falling off at that large stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross country. Until then, deal with the dark; it'll put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders need lights, anyway.
Natural horseman: You must instill respect in the light bulb using my easy to follow instructions on the "Light Bulb Dynamics" video set, available for only $179.00 on my Web site, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb. Once you have done that, you will find there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you, when you use my patented "Light Bulb Coaxer" for only $99.00, behave as all good light bulbs should.
Hunter rider: Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how, but he's changing light bulbs somewhere else right now.
Back yard horse person: Do I have to do everything??!! Oh yeah, I guess I do. Well, I'll get to it as soon as I'm done mucking stalls, cleaning and filling the water tank, cleaning and filling the water buckets, raking and sweeping, stacking the hay, setting up for night feeding, cleaning my tack, picking out manure from the paddock, brushing and exercising the horses, and whatever else needs to be done.
Thoroughbred: Who me? Do what? I'm scared of light bulbs! I'm outta' here!
Arabian: Someone else do it. It might get my silky mane dirty and besides, who's gonna read me the instructions?
Quarter horse: Put all the bulbs in a pen and tell me which one you want.
Shetland: Give it to me. I'll kill it and then we won't have to worry about it anymore.
Friesian: I would, but I can't see where I'm going from behind all this mane.
Warmblood: Is the 2nd Level Instruction Packet in English? Doesn't anyone realize that I was sold for $75,000 as a yearling, but only because my hocks are bad, otherwise I would be worth $100,000? I am NOT changing light bulbs. Get the TB back here and make him do it.
Morgan: Me! Me! Me! P-l-e-e-e-a-s-e let me! Just watch; I know how, really I do! And, when I'm done, we can go over to the neighbors' yard and chase their cats!
Appaloosa: Ya'll are a bunch of losers. We don't need to change the light bulb; I ain't scared of the dark. And, someone stop that damn Morgan from jumping up and down before I double barrel 'im.
Haflinger: That thing I ate was a light bulb?
How many horsepersons or horses does it take to change a light bulb?
Western pleasure riders: Oh, my God! Someone change that bulb; my silver and spangles have to sparkle, and my diamond studs need to flash in the light, and the highlighter on Old Peanut Head's nose absolutely, positively must look shiny! You -- without all the silver on your saddle; obviously you can't ride -- you change it.
Endurance rider: Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse/respiration/ hydration down to respectable levels. Then, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb.
Dressage queen: Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very idea!
Classical dressage queen: These things must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, and will forever be in the shadow of its true self. And, never, ever use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb; that is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.
Eventers: Wuss! I'll change it as soon as my arm is out of this sling, broken after falling off at that large stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross country. Until then, deal with the dark; it'll put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders need lights, anyway.
Natural horseman: You must instill respect in the light bulb using my easy to follow instructions on the "Light Bulb Dynamics" video set, available for only $179.00 on my Web site, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb. Once you have done that, you will find there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you, when you use my patented "Light Bulb Coaxer" for only $99.00, behave as all good light bulbs should.
Hunter rider: Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how, but he's changing light bulbs somewhere else right now.
Back yard horse person: Do I have to do everything??!! Oh yeah, I guess I do. Well, I'll get to it as soon as I'm done mucking stalls, cleaning and filling the water tank, cleaning and filling the water buckets, raking and sweeping, stacking the hay, setting up for night feeding, cleaning my tack, picking out manure from the paddock, brushing and exercising the horses, and whatever else needs to be done.
Thoroughbred: Who me? Do what? I'm scared of light bulbs! I'm outta' here!
Arabian: Someone else do it. It might get my silky mane dirty and besides, who's gonna read me the instructions?
Quarter horse: Put all the bulbs in a pen and tell me which one you want.
Shetland: Give it to me. I'll kill it and then we won't have to worry about it anymore.
Friesian: I would, but I can't see where I'm going from behind all this mane.
Warmblood: Is the 2nd Level Instruction Packet in English? Doesn't anyone realize that I was sold for $75,000 as a yearling, but only because my hocks are bad, otherwise I would be worth $100,000? I am NOT changing light bulbs. Get the TB back here and make him do it.
Morgan: Me! Me! Me! P-l-e-e-e-a-s-e let me! Just watch; I know how, really I do! And, when I'm done, we can go over to the neighbors' yard and chase their cats!
Appaloosa: Ya'll are a bunch of losers. We don't need to change the light bulb; I ain't scared of the dark. And, someone stop that damn Morgan from jumping up and down before I double barrel 'im.
Haflinger: That thing I ate was a light bulb?
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
What is your history?
1. How old were you when you first started riding? The first time I was on a horse, I think I was about 4 and I rode double with someone. I rode the neighbors horses starting about 6 but I started taking lessons at age 8.
2. First horse ridden: By myself, that probably be Sugarbabe, a paint pony. She bucked me off every day.
3. First horse trotted on: the same as question 2
4. First horse cantered on: again
5. First Horse fallen off of: and again.........Sugarbabe dumped me everyday until one day when I was getting on she tried to take off. I caught her so I guess she decided I was boss and never dumped me again.
6. Most recent horse fallen off of: T-Bird
7. Most terrifying fall: T-Bird
8. First horse jumped with: Probably a lesson horse but I don't remember who.
9. First horse who ran away with you: A buckskin horse owned by my friend. I was probably 7. I got on the horse and she (nice friend) slapped his butt. I just held on.
10. First horse that scared the crap out of you: Probably that buckskin
11. First horse shown : A lesson horse...possibly Mr Dun or Kimber.
12. First horse to win a class with: Bambi, the most awesome horse in the world.
13. Do you/have you taken lessons: So many, and I still can't ride. lol
14. First horse you ever rode bareback: Sugarbabe. there never was a saddle for her.
15. First horse trail ridden with: if road riding counts Sugarbabe. Actual trails - Bambi
16. Current Barn name: Not for sure what they are asking...my current barn is in my backyard.
17. Do you ride English or western?: Both - not saddle seat but hunt seat and dressage.
18. First Horse to place at a show with: Mr Dun or Kimber
19. Ever been to horse camp?: Dressage camp...and I camp when I trail ride.
20. Ever been to a riding clinic? Lots!
21. Ridden sidesaddle? Nope and have no inclination to do so! How did they ever jump in those saddles?
22. First horse leased: None.
23. Last Horse Leased: None
24. Highest ribbon in a show: 1 st place
25. Ever been to an 'A' rated show?: many
26. Ever competed in pony games/relay races?: nope
27. Ever fallen off at a show: Not during the show but in the warm-up.
28. Do you ride Hunter/Jumpers?: I did.
29. Have you ever barrel raced? No
30. Ever done pole bending?: No
31. Favorite gait: I like them all.
32. Ever cantered bareback?: Sure
33. Have you ever done dressage?: Yes
34. Have you ever evented?: Yes. I was in Pony Club. Our team won many championships.
35. Have you ever mucked a stall?: many, many
36. Ever been bucked off?: You bet
37. Ever been on a horse that reared Yes, a few
38. Horses or ponies. Horses for sure
39. Do you wear a helmet?: Yes
40. What's the highest you've jumped: 5.5'
41. Have you ever ridden at night?: Yes on the trail and in the arena
42. Do you watch horsey television shows?: Of course!
43. Have you ever been seriously hurt/injured from a fall?: Yes, had a concussion from getting bucked off a horse and deciding to hit my head on his hoof on my way down. I can still see that horse shoe.....
44. Most falls in one lesson: one. see #43
45. Do you ride in an arena/ring?: When I boarded.
46. Have you ever been trampled by a horse?: Kind of........
47. Have you ever been bitten?: Yupe!
48. Ever had your foot stepped on by a horse?: Who hasn't??
49: Favorite riding moment: There are so many......
50. Most fun horse you've ridden: Bambi
That's my history. What's yours?
2. First horse ridden: By myself, that probably be Sugarbabe, a paint pony. She bucked me off every day.
3. First horse trotted on: the same as question 2
4. First horse cantered on: again
5. First Horse fallen off of: and again.........Sugarbabe dumped me everyday until one day when I was getting on she tried to take off. I caught her so I guess she decided I was boss and never dumped me again.
6. Most recent horse fallen off of: T-Bird
7. Most terrifying fall: T-Bird
8. First horse jumped with: Probably a lesson horse but I don't remember who.
9. First horse who ran away with you: A buckskin horse owned by my friend. I was probably 7. I got on the horse and she (nice friend) slapped his butt. I just held on.
10. First horse that scared the crap out of you: Probably that buckskin
11. First horse shown : A lesson horse...possibly Mr Dun or Kimber.
12. First horse to win a class with: Bambi, the most awesome horse in the world.
13. Do you/have you taken lessons: So many, and I still can't ride. lol
14. First horse you ever rode bareback: Sugarbabe. there never was a saddle for her.
15. First horse trail ridden with: if road riding counts Sugarbabe. Actual trails - Bambi
16. Current Barn name: Not for sure what they are asking...my current barn is in my backyard.
17. Do you ride English or western?: Both - not saddle seat but hunt seat and dressage.
18. First Horse to place at a show with: Mr Dun or Kimber
19. Ever been to horse camp?: Dressage camp...and I camp when I trail ride.
20. Ever been to a riding clinic? Lots!
21. Ridden sidesaddle? Nope and have no inclination to do so! How did they ever jump in those saddles?
22. First horse leased: None.
23. Last Horse Leased: None
24. Highest ribbon in a show: 1 st place
25. Ever been to an 'A' rated show?: many
26. Ever competed in pony games/relay races?: nope
27. Ever fallen off at a show: Not during the show but in the warm-up.
28. Do you ride Hunter/Jumpers?: I did.
29. Have you ever barrel raced? No
30. Ever done pole bending?: No
31. Favorite gait: I like them all.
32. Ever cantered bareback?: Sure
33. Have you ever done dressage?: Yes
34. Have you ever evented?: Yes. I was in Pony Club. Our team won many championships.
35. Have you ever mucked a stall?: many, many
36. Ever been bucked off?: You bet
37. Ever been on a horse that reared Yes, a few
38. Horses or ponies. Horses for sure
39. Do you wear a helmet?: Yes
40. What's the highest you've jumped: 5.5'
41. Have you ever ridden at night?: Yes on the trail and in the arena
42. Do you watch horsey television shows?: Of course!
43. Have you ever been seriously hurt/injured from a fall?: Yes, had a concussion from getting bucked off a horse and deciding to hit my head on his hoof on my way down. I can still see that horse shoe.....
44. Most falls in one lesson: one. see #43
45. Do you ride in an arena/ring?: When I boarded.
46. Have you ever been trampled by a horse?: Kind of........
47. Have you ever been bitten?: Yupe!
48. Ever had your foot stepped on by a horse?: Who hasn't??
49: Favorite riding moment: There are so many......
50. Most fun horse you've ridden: Bambi
That's my history. What's yours?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The hat vs opinionated horses
A friend’s post about hats she has knitted reminded me of a recent story about my hat and the horses. The hat is a plain gray knit stocking cap. It was given to me by a friend. It won’t stay on. I hate this hat. I think it must be a child’s hat.
One cold morning, I decided I needed a hat to go feed the horses. The hood on my coat just wasn’t going to cut it. I grabbed the dreaded gray hat and by the time I was halfway to the barn lot the thing started to creep up. Sigh. I got to the lot and Blondie took one look at me and ran.
I laughed, “Yea, I don’t like this hat either.”
“Snort!”
Suddenly something hits me in the head from behind, knocking the hat off. I turn around and there is T-Bird, standing there proudly, happy that he saved me from that stupid hat. I thanked him.
The hat is going into the donation box and hopefully some child who doesn’t have opinionated horses will be able to use it.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Ode to the Toad
This is a bad story with a good ending…..don’t think badly of me….
I have 4 “barn” cats. I have these cats because I have horses and the cats are here to keep the rodent population in check. They are here because they have a job to do. The cats do their job and I pay them by taking the best care of them that I can. They are neutered. They have an enclosed porch with a space heater when it is cold. They also get to come inside the house to be petted if it is too cold for me to stay out to pet them. They are very spoiled barn cats. I got criticized because these cats are outdoor cats and I shouldn’t treat my pets that way. Sorry. They have a job and they are rewarded for that job….I will add that they do a good job too.
I was a bad owner this month. Toto AKA Toad, was MIA on January 4. I have to go out of town from the 5th to the 11th. I asked my friend if he had seen Toto. Nope. I asked him to check with the neighbors to make sure she wasn’t locked in one of their buildings. Nope.
I came home late on the 11th and still no Toad. 12th no Toad but when I was feeding the horses I thought I heard meowing. I stopped to listen and couldn’t hear anything.
On the 13th I thought I heard meowing again. My friend said that it was a bird and that I was just wanted to hear a cat. *whatever* The noise stopped.
On the 14th I heard the noise again. I finally started to investigate. The noise continued. I found Toto in the neighbors shed. Poor kitty. She weighed 6.5 pounds.
This is a cat that does not want to come in the house but after this experience, she was more than happy to be a house cat. She was my shadow…wherever I went, Toto went. That lasted until last week. She started becoming more distant….not wanting to hang with me all of the time. Yesterday, I let her out of the house to use the “facilities” and she has decided that her recuperation period is over. She wants to stay outside again. Back to her ‘ole self. I kinda miss my shadow.
It is amazing how resilient animals are. I still feel SOOOOO guilty.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Is it real, or is it Photoshop?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
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